More Information, Please

Dear Office of Information:

• If a cigarette takes 5 minutes off the rest of your life and it takes 7 minutes to smoke a cigarette how much time is lost?
• Why doesn't Jell-O TM fill you up?
• Where is Yonder?
• Who is attention and why does he get paid so much?
• If a deaf Beaver chews down a tree and this Beaver is the only animal around does the tree make a noise when it lands?
• Do drugs give a better concept of reality 'cause you don't know what reality is really like unless you haven't been there?
• Did they really freeze Walt Disney?
• Who invented liquid soap and why?
• Why won't my slinky get to the bottom of the escalator going up?
• If Teflon is truly a non-stick surface how does it stick to the pan?
• Can you refrigerate something that hasn't been refrigerated?
• Who was the first person to cut their hair?
• Do communist countries have pay phones?
• Why do you call yourself information if you can't answer these question?
• Where do you get your information, and why does it cost 50 cents to call you from my house but does not cost anything to call you from a pay phone?